Honey Nut Peanut Butter Bars

So, these are awesome. I've been over the recipe many many times, and I still can't find any crack in there. I say this because I'm pretty sure there is crack in these treats, or heroin, or some addictive drug that makes things wonderful. Why else would they be so awesome? I know I didn't put in any crack when I made them (I save the narcotics for my spaghetti and methballs). I'm not sure what the chemical properties of crack are. I know it's made from cocaine, but maybe you can synthesize it with marshmallows and peanut butter. Anyway, I highly recommend you make these before the DEA bans them.

The ingredients are simple enough, but the mixing can be a pain in the butt. Working with hot marshmallows and peanut butter can cause a real mess. so be prepared.

HONEY NUT PEANUT BUTTER BARS:

5 cups honey nut cereal ($1.59 for 12.5 oz.)
6 cups mini marshmallows (this is one bag $0.89)
1/2 cups peanut butter ($1.89 for 18 oz.)
3 tablespoons unsalted butter ($1.99 for 16 oz.)

Coat a 13 x 9 inch pan with butter, then toss the rest of the butter into a LARGE bowl with the marshmallows and peanut butter. I put LARGE in all caps because this should be a bowl that can more than fit the marshmallows, peanut butter, butter, and cereal as the marshmallows will expand while heating and cause a mess. Use a bowl bigger than this one:

Put the bowl in the microwave on high for 2 minutes. This is when the marshmallows will go all Ghostbusters Stay Puft. Apparently marshmallows do not like being enclosed in a small area to await a fiery death.

After the 2 minutes are up, stir everything until smooth and mixed. Now add the cereal. Stir carefully and thoroughly. If at some point you feel that stirring isn't doing the trick, you can use your hands, but make sure the mixture has cooled down enough. Melted marshmallows will be hot and can burn you. Also, coat your hands in cooking spray before you handle the mixture. When everything is mixed form the mixture into the buttered pan, again coat your hands with cooking spray to keep the mixture from sticking to you. Once cooled cut and eat.

The time not spent eating these treats will be spent cleaning peanut butter and marshmallow that have inexplicably gotten on your ceiling and on the insides of your socks. It probably happened when you blacked out after freebasing these things and tried to make another batch while chanting something about being the Lizard Queen. That happens.

S'more Croissants

Nothing starts a cold morning off right like a freshly baked breakfast. By morning I mean about 12:30 p.m. because we're being lazy, and by freshly baked breakfast I mean chocolate. It is cold, though. It's about 11 degrees and snowing. I took a picture:

It's that cold. Or maybe I just had my camera on the wrong setting. Either way, that's not far from what it looks/feels like outside. Luckily the Megan and I are not homeless. For now. I saw this recipe on pinterest, or I should say I saw a picture of the recipe, which with this is pretty much all you need to figure out the recipe.

Not what you would call difficult. We had some leftover croissant dough from some pigs in a blanket we made. I broke out the dark chocolate and some mini marshmallows and got to work.

S'MORE CROISSANTS:

1 tube croissant dough ($1.29)
1.5 oz. chocolate ($1.89 for 4.4 oz.)
Mini marshmallows ($0.89 for 10.5 oz)
1 egg ($1.59 for 12)

Preheat oven to 350 (or whatever the dough package you use says). Lay out the croissant dough on an ungreased baking sheet. Break up the chocolate (unless you are using chocolate chips) and place on the dough near the wide end. A few small pieces should do. I used the 70% cacao dark chocolate, but you could use milk chocolate if you wanted the croissants a little sweeter. Place 3-4 of the mini marshmallows with the chocolate. Don't put too much on the dough or you won't be able to roll them. Roll up the croissant starting at the wide end. You have to seal the sides of the croissants or else the chocolate and marshmallow will try to escape during baking. I should mention that I do not like premade croissant dough. I think all premade dough tastes pretty much the same. The croissants never brown right and you end up having croissant shaped rolls. You can avoid the browning problem by making an egg wash to go over the croissants. Beat an egg and brush over the croissants before putting them in the oven. Bake according to directions (mine were 350 for 15 minutes).

These would be awesome with some hot chocolate, which when I make it is basically a thin ganache. That's right, heavy cream and chocolate. Nothing like a chocolate heart attack to keep you warm on a winter's day.

Toasted Marshmallow Milkshake

Notice: The consumption of raw or undercooked eggs may increase your risk of food borne illness such as salmonella. Now tell me that's not the best way to start off a recipe. Don't you want to make this and give it to children and enfeebled old people now? Yeah you do.

The reason I put the disclaimer in here is because this milkshake is best with frozen custard. I don't have any frozen custard. The best way to mimic frozen custard when all you have is ice cream: add an egg. This is true for milkshakes, do not have a bowl of ice cream with a raw egg on it and expect it to taste like custard. My brothers and I have put a raw egg in our milkshakes since we were kids. None of us have died from salmonella poisoning, but one of us is a network administrator. So that might be a concern.

If you have frozen vanilla custard for this recipe, go for it, otherwise you can use an egg, even though it might kill you.

TOASTED MARSHMALLOW MILKSHAKE:
9 large marshmallows ($0.99 per bag)
1 1/4 cups of vanilla ice cream ($2.69 per 56 oz.)
1 egg (optional $1.59 per 12)
1/4 cup of half and half ($1.79 per 32 oz.)
1/4 cup of heavy cream ($1.89 per 16 oz.)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract ($1.99 per 2 oz.)

The first thing you have to do is toast the marshmallows. If you have an electric oven you can turn on the broiler and place them on a cookie sheet on the highest rack for a minute or two. Watch them, they go from toasted to burnt in just a few seconds. If you have a gas range, you can skewer the marshmallows and toast them over the open flame. Again, be careful as marshmallows are very flammable.

Once your marshmallows are nicely toasted, add all the ingredients to the blender saving two marshmallows for garnish. If you like a thicker milkshake, more ice cream. If you like a thinner milkshake, more half and half. You may ask, "Why half and half and cream instead of milk?" Try it, and you will know the answer. It makes a much richer milkshake. It is not what we call healthy, but if you are making a toasted marshmallow milkshake, I assume it isn't to drink while you're on the treadmill. Throwing some heavy cream, or half and half, or both into to a milkshake is great, unless you are drinking these things every day. If you do drink these things every day, then my guess is that you only check internet recipes between heart attacks and foot amputations. Either way, enjoy.