Pumpkin Ciabatta French Toast With Honey Butter

Look at this! It's the beginning of fall, and I'm posting a relevant recipe. I'm pretty sure this is considered a sign of the apocalypse. End of days or not (chances are not, but the people who have predicted it have been wrong every time, so the law of averages* says that they must be right next time), it is always a good idea to have good French toast ready.

While grocery shopping the other day, I noticed my Aldi had moved everything around in an effort to give itself a makeover. This annoyed me. I like the fact that I know where everything is in the store. I realize that a revamp of the store can mean more money for the store as people who have established patterns of shopping will be forced to pass by items they normally do not, and may pick up those items, but I am constantly on the look out for new and interesting buys at Aldi anyway. Despite the fact that this is not the normal behavior of the average shopper, I still believe that the Aldi I shop at should be run according to my whims, and not what makes long term fiscal sense.

That being said, while searching for the bread in this new and unforgiving alien layout, I came across something new Aldi is offering.

 I don't know if all Aldis are doing this, but mine is. So there. I had already planned to do the French toast post, as they have brought back the Friendly Farms Pumpkin Spice coffee creamer, but now I could use exciting bread. There were many selections including some lovely French baguette, and since I was making French toast, the choice was obvious.

Yeah, so I picked the Italian bread. Stop judging me. If you read the title of the post you would know this already.

PUMPKIN CIABATTA FRENCH TOAST

1 Egg ($1.29 for 12)
4 Slices ciabatta bread ($1.89 per loaf)
1/8 Cup half and half ($1.59 for 32 oz.)
3/8 Cup pumpkin spice coffee creamer ($1.49 for 16 oz.)
1 tsp. Vanilla extract($1.99 for 2 oz.)
1 Tbsp. Butter ($2.29 for 1 lbs.)

 Prepare your custard first. Crack the egg, add the creamer and half and half, and then add the vanilla. Whisk until combined. Now cut the bread. You want between 1/4 inch and 1/2 inch pieces, thicker than that and you may have burnt outsides and uncooked insides. Soak the bread one side at a time in the custard, a few minutes each side. You can add seasoning to your custard if you like. Cinnamon, nutmeg, pumpkin pie spice, ricin, whatever. I added cinnamon, but you really shouldn't add ricin. I'm pretty sure Aldi doesn't even carry it.

Heat up a small pan on medium heat. Add 1/2 the butter. When the butter bubbles and is nutty smelling, add the bread. Brown each side of the toast. Repeat.

HONEY BUTTER
1 Tbsp. Honey ($2.99 for 12 oz.)
3 Tbsp. Butter room temperature ($2.29 for 1 lbs.)

Take the softened butter and put it into a small bowl. Add honey. Mix. Done. Although you can put it in the fridge if you would like to solidify it again.

Serve with powdered sugar, syrup, just with the honey butter, or with ricin. Really though, don't serve it with ricin. I just watched the season finale of Breaking Bad and all I can think of is ricin made the same way I make cinnamon toast. Seriously, do not Walter White your French toast.

*The "Law of Averages" is made up nonsense that people who have never taken a statistics class use to explain how they want reality to be, not how it is.

Honey Nut Peanut Butter Bars

So, these are awesome. I've been over the recipe many many times, and I still can't find any crack in there. I say this because I'm pretty sure there is crack in these treats, or heroin, or some addictive drug that makes things wonderful. Why else would they be so awesome? I know I didn't put in any crack when I made them (I save the narcotics for my spaghetti and methballs). I'm not sure what the chemical properties of crack are. I know it's made from cocaine, but maybe you can synthesize it with marshmallows and peanut butter. Anyway, I highly recommend you make these before the DEA bans them.

The ingredients are simple enough, but the mixing can be a pain in the butt. Working with hot marshmallows and peanut butter can cause a real mess. so be prepared.

HONEY NUT PEANUT BUTTER BARS:

5 cups honey nut cereal ($1.59 for 12.5 oz.)
6 cups mini marshmallows (this is one bag $0.89)
1/2 cups peanut butter ($1.89 for 18 oz.)
3 tablespoons unsalted butter ($1.99 for 16 oz.)

Coat a 13 x 9 inch pan with butter, then toss the rest of the butter into a LARGE bowl with the marshmallows and peanut butter. I put LARGE in all caps because this should be a bowl that can more than fit the marshmallows, peanut butter, butter, and cereal as the marshmallows will expand while heating and cause a mess. Use a bowl bigger than this one:

Put the bowl in the microwave on high for 2 minutes. This is when the marshmallows will go all Ghostbusters Stay Puft. Apparently marshmallows do not like being enclosed in a small area to await a fiery death.

After the 2 minutes are up, stir everything until smooth and mixed. Now add the cereal. Stir carefully and thoroughly. If at some point you feel that stirring isn't doing the trick, you can use your hands, but make sure the mixture has cooled down enough. Melted marshmallows will be hot and can burn you. Also, coat your hands in cooking spray before you handle the mixture. When everything is mixed form the mixture into the buttered pan, again coat your hands with cooking spray to keep the mixture from sticking to you. Once cooled cut and eat.

The time not spent eating these treats will be spent cleaning peanut butter and marshmallow that have inexplicably gotten on your ceiling and on the insides of your socks. It probably happened when you blacked out after freebasing these things and tried to make another batch while chanting something about being the Lizard Queen. That happens.

Cinnamon Swirl Muffins

It's interesting that I start out this recipe/food blog with this, mainly because it's made from a box. I know what you're thinking. Sure there are plenty of people who make up breads and muffins from scratch. Those people have nothing better to do with their time,  don't run their own business, or their business is making muffins for a living. I'm busy, and I assume you are as well. If you are not busy, and just lazy, that's OK too.

Boxed mixes get a bad rap from people who are serious about cooking, but they are quick, easy and, with some tweaks, can be very good. I assume their bad reputation comes from the fact that serious bakers were at some point personally pantsed by Betty Crocker while at a grade school assembly. Some cuts run deep.

My mother (an excellent cook who has studied/taught cooking in several countries) makes her blueberry muffins from a boxed mix. The Barefoot Contessa has her own boxed mixes. Stop looking down your nose at at this post and judging me over the internet!

Inferiority complex aside, I do spice up boxed mixes in my own way to improve both taste and mouthfeel of the finished baked good. These muffins were made with the Baker's Corner Cinnamon Swirl Quick Bread mix. I often use cake and bread mixes when I make muffins. The trick to altering the recipes on the box is to substitute heavy cream for water and honey for the oil. This works on any boxed mix I have come up against (except maybe boxed potatoes). NOTE: adding honey will make whatever you bake brown faster and more deeply, so keep an eye on it. Now, the recipe.

CINNAMON SWIRL MUFFINS:
One Box Baker's Corner Cinnamon Swirl Quick Bread ($1.49)
2 Eggs (12 eggs $1.59)
3/4 cup Heavy Cream ($1.89)
3 Tablespoons Honey (12 oz. $2.49)
Cooking Spray ($1.29)

Spray down the muffin tin and heat the oven to 350. Now the easy part. Follow the directions on the box. Substitute the cream for water and honey for oil and combine all the ingredients with the mix powder. Stir to combine. Then pour the batter into the muffin tin filling the cups 1/4 way, then use 1/2 the cinnamon packet to top the batter. Fill the muffin cups the with the rest of the batter and top with the remaining cinnamon. Now bake. As i said, the honey will cause quicker browning, so watch those puppies. The box said 45 minutes, mine were done in 38. I listed out the ingredients called for the cinnamon bread, but you could do this with banana bread, or blueberry muffins. When the muffins are done you can top them with the icing when they are cool if you like, but I didn't. Enjoy your muffins!