Balsamic Tortellini Skewers

It is officially summer, by which I mean it is not yet officially summer. Damn Solstice. It is, however, hot, just a little muggy, and there are tourists everywhere. To me, that says summer. This is true if you are in North America. For some reason this blog has a good deal of traffic from Australia, so if you happen to be from Australia and reading this, just replace "summer" with "winter" and "muggy" with "Vegemite."

Since it is unofficially summer, I thought it would be a good idea to have a picnic, and needed some picnic type food. These certainly fit the bill. They are filling, tasty, and served cold, so they're particularly refreshing on those days you may develop swamp-ass. I should mention, the remedy is to eat them, not to apply them directly to the affected area. People will stare.

 This recipe is includes things I like, but feel free to substitute veggies, meats, and cheeses you like. This is a pretty versatile recipe, so go nuts. If you use something like onions, though, I would cook them first. You can choose not to, but you will be wrong.

BALSAMIC TORTELLINI SKEWERS:

1 package stuffed tortellini ($1.99)
1/2 pint (20) grape tomatoes ($1.69 for 1 pint)
4 oz. fresh mozzarella ($2.69 for  8 oz.)
2 oz. sliced pepperoni ($1.99 for 7 oz.)
drizzle light balsamic dressing ($1.29 for 16oz.)
sprinkle of Parmesan cheese ($2.29 for 8 oz.)

Not for eating: bamboo skewers (I don't know if Aldi actually sells these. I've had a package for years, and we never seem to run out.)

First cook the pasta according to directions. Then, pour the pasta into a colander and rinse the cooked pasta under cold water. gather everything else together. If you decide to use any ingredients that need to be cooked, cook them first, then let them cool before assembly. Cut the rest of the ingredients into bite sized pieces. I cut the tomatoes in 1/2 and just guestimated the cheese.

Now put a tortellini on a skewer and follow it up with the other ingredients in any order you like. I try to go in a certain order that has all the ingredients on the skewer before repeating any single ingredient. This is because I'm a tad OCD. If your mental health issue is something else, like untreated paranoid schizophrenia, you might want to try putting on the tortellini followed by a live penguin, but not anything blue (blue is trying to steal your life-force). The point is, put on what you like in the order you like. I try to get 3 tortellini to a skewer.

Once you have all your tortellini skewered-up, lay them on a platter or Tupperware tub. Pour over the dressing, not drowning the skewers, but getting dressing on all of them.

Pop the skewers in the fridge for a couple of hours. When you are ready to eat them, take them out of the fridge and sprinkle some Parmesan cheese on them. Molto bene! Which I believe is Italian for, "I'm about to eat some skewers I just made, would you like to try them? They have tortellini, balsamic dressing, and cheese on them, so you might not want to have one if you are lactose intolerant." Such a strange and beautiful language. I'm surprised that phrase is as popular as it is. Seems oddly specific. Oh well.

Brie Lobster Mac and Cheese

I have made mention of the specialty foods available at Aldi, including the whole Maine lobster for $9.99. Well, right now they also have brie rounds available. Any time we see the lobster, I buy a few of them. They are the same type of lobsters you see advertised on the streets of Boston for $10 by the bars trying to get tourists in. In case you are wondering, those ads totally work on Megan and I. The Aldi lobsters are not going to provide you with endless meat, but they are more than worth the price, and are a cheap way to have a fine lobster dinner (they also have lobster tails available at Aldi for $12.99, but these are warm water lobsters-read not as good-UPDATE-they are now Maine lobster tails).

If you are self conscious about shelling a lobster in front of your date while you eat, then I would ask you what kind of person even makes a lobster dinner for the second date. I mean, seriously, tone it down a bit. Trying too hard is probably why you're still single. If you are otherwise uncomfortable shelling lobster while you eat this kind of recipe is your friend.

BRIE LOBSTER MAC AND CHEESE:

8 oz. brie rind removed and torn up into little pieces ($2.99)
4 oz. shredded cheddar cheese (I used Dubliner $2.99 for 7 oz.)
2 oz. Parmesan cheese ($2.29 for 8 oz.)
16 oz. elbow macaroni (32 oz for $1.69)
1 1/2 cups heavy cream ($1.89 for 16 oz.)
1 cup milk ($2.99 for 1 gallon)
3 tablespoons all purpose flour ($1.69 for 5 lbs.)
3 tablespoons unsalted butter ($1.99 for 16 oz.)
5 oz. lobster meat (this is an 18 oz. lobster for $9.99 it yields about 5 oz. of meat but amounts will vary)
Salt and pepper to taste
Bread crumbs (optional)

First, prepare the lobster. For the frozen whole lobster you can make it according to the package instructions. Boil a bunch of water in a pot big enough to fit the lobster. You will boil this puppy from frozen. By puppy I mean lobster, please do not make this dish with boiled puppy (it is the wrong consistency). It says to boil the lobster in salted water, but it is unnecessary to salt the water as the lobster is frozen in brine:

Just dump the lobster in the boiling water, mesh bag and all. return the water to boiling and boil 12-15 minutes. Remove the lobster from the boiling water. Get rid of the lobster water, it stinks. Now it's time to get all the meat out of the shell. Get 3 bowls. Put the cooked lobster in one, use one for the meat and the other for discarded shell. The majority of the meat will be in the claws and the tail. Your hands are the best tools, but a kitchen knife and a rolling pin are good to have as well. By the way, you should let the lobster cool before you shell it. If you are currently burned, then I suggest reading the entire recipe through before cooking anything. Really, instant gratification only works if you want to be instantly gratified, or burned by hot lobster juice. Maybe that's your thing. Everyone has a fetish. I'm not going into how to shell a lobster as I am too lazy to write it and didn't take enough pictures anyway. This guy from the CIA has a lovely video on how to do it. I assume his lobster was water boarded.

Once you have all the meat out make sure there is not leftover shell on the meat. Set the meat aside. Cook the macaroni according to the directions (6-8 minutes) drain and set aside. While cooking the pasta, simmer the cream/milk in a pot, but don't boil. In a pan, melt the butter and whisk in the flour over low heat. Congratulations, you have formed a roux. Don't get too cocky. Just add the hot cream/milk to the roux and whisk until smooth. Add the cheese and stir until smooth. Add salt and pepper to sauce. Combine cheese sauce, macaroni and lobster. Eat, or if you like, you can combine breadcrumbs with some grated cheese and pop the macaroni under a broiler. Keep a watch on it and brown, don't burn, the breadcrumbs.

Lobster mac and cheese is great, but the lobster itself does not reheat well. This may overcook the lobster, so it's best to eat all the lobster in the first sitting and any left over mac and cheese can go in the fridge. I have to go now because there is horrible lightning and thunder. In January.

Game Hen Alfredo, Or What To Do With All That Leftover F&*#ing Bird

Surprisingly enough my 5 year old nephew did not eat all his Cornish game hen. To be fair, the size ratio of him and a game hen is like me eating a 6 pound chicken. I still don't see what the problem is. Quitter. It may have also been the constant barrage of cookies, fudge, egg nog, cheese, and at one point Styrofoam packing peanuts (their parents have told them many times not to, yet they continue to trust their uncle) that left my nephews, Huey, Dewey, and Zangief the Dancing Bear, unable to pick their birds clean. All the adults had no problem, toxic packing peanuts not withstanding.

This still left me with a good deal more leftover hen than I planned to have. What to do, what to do? Hey, it's a bird, why not just substitute it for chicken in other recipes? Why not indeed. I could make a pot pie...wait I don't have the veggies. How about stir fry...no rice. Game hen a la kin-wait I don't have any mushrooms or 1/2 the other stuff I need to make that. Well, what do I have? Butter, heavy cream, and frozen peas. Great, I can make a Paula Dean style vegetable. Oh, wait, we have some pasta. Perfect.

GAME HEN ALFREDO:

1 box pasta (I used the Fit & Active whole grain thin spaghetti $0.99 per 13.5 oz. but you can use whatever you like)
16 oz. Heavy Cream ($1.89)
1/2 cup unsalted butter softened ($1.99 per 16.oz-4sticks)
1/2 teaspoon minced garlic ($1.99 per 8 oz.)
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese ($2.29 per 8 oz.)
8 oz. frozen sweet peas ( I don't know how much these are, but will update the price when I do)
7 oz. cooked Cornish game hen meat (about 1/2 a hen $2.69 per hen)
fresh cracked pepper to taste
salt to taste

First, prep the hen meat, as in pull it off the hen. At first I tried using a knife, but just pull it off with your hands.

Now wash your hands, or get hen grease everywhere. It's your kitchen. Use your greasy fingers to open the cream and pour it into a medium sized sauce pan that also has your greasy fingerprints all over it. Place over medium low heat. While the cream warms up fill a pot with water and put on high heat to boil. Add the butter to the cream and whisk to combine. Let the cream and melted butter simmer for about 5 minutes, then add the cheese and whisk to combine. Clean the hen grease off your whisk. I should mention that I didn't use the Aldi Parmesan cheese. I used fresh grated parmigiano reggiano. It's not my fault. I blame the media. We do have the Aldi cheese, and we use it. I just couldn't resist the fresh grated cheese while I had it. Stop judging me and add fresh cracked pepper to taste. Stir occasionally.

Once your water is boiling add your pasta. The pasta in the recipe will only take 5-7 minutes to cook. When it comes time to remove the pasta, find a way to retain the water you cooked the pasta in and use it to cook the frozen peas. I put a colander over another pot in the sink and poured the water and pasta into it. I then put the other pot back on to the burner and brought it to a boil again. Boil your peas for 3 minutes and the drain them. Add the peas and the hen meat to the sauce.

After a few minutes the meat will be reheated. Stir everything together in a big pot, or combine however you want. It's not like you listened to me when I told you to wash your hands.

We had this last night for dinner. We had it again for lunch. Megan is having it again right now for dinner. I think it is safe to say, we both like this way to use up our extra meat. We used hen, but you could use chicken, or whatever other poultry you have laying around. You could even cook up meat especially for this, but then the terrorists would win. I really didn't know how to wrap up this post, so there you go.