Baked Apples With Caramel Mousse

Well, this lovely dessert is being posted just in time for Valentine's Day to be over. Serve it for your Oscar party...if you have one of those, or President's Day. Serve it for President's Day. Regardless of when you serve it, I'm guessing people will like this twist on the caramel apple because it is awesome. I served it VD night (Valentine's Day, because the other interpretation of that would be DISASTROUS) and the girlpren finished hers before I could even register that she was eating it. That sounds somewhat unflattering unless I mention that she's a slow eater.

I tried various apples with this recipe, and found that Fuji work the best. The Granny Smith was good, but the flavor of the wine didn't come through. Yes, there is wine in this. You could skip the wine and use a brown sugar/honey mixture, but then you don't get to say, "Oh, I already opened a bottle of wine. I might as well drink the rest so it doesn't spoil." Honey never spoils. Besides, who drinks a bottle of honey? Weirdo.

This recipe is kind of a pain in the ass, as you have to cook things, then let them cool so you can assemble everything. If the apples are hot, then the mousse will melt. If the caramel sauce is hot then the whipped cream will melt and the mousse won't form. The best way to make this is apples, then sauce, then mousse, then assemble, then eat. Don't try the last one first.

BAKED APPLES WITH CARAMEL MOUSSE

4 Fuji Apples ($1.69 for 3 lbs.)
12 oz. sweet wine ($9.99 for the Auslese or Icewine)
1 cup brown sugar ($1.69 for 32 oz.)
1/2 stick plus 1 tbsp (5 tbsp.) unsalted butter ($1.69 for 16 oz)
1/2 cup half and half ($1.59 for 32 oz.)
1 cup chilled heavy cream ($1.99 for 1 pint)
pinch of confectioners sugar ($1.29 for 32 oz.)

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Core the apples by scooping the core out from the top of the apple. Do not cut all the way through the apple to remove the core. You will be creating a shot glass sized cavity in the apple. Then shave the skin off the top of the apple about 1 inch down the apple.

Sprinkle a bit of brown sugar into each of the apple cavities and add 1/2 a tbsp of the butter. Fill the cavities with the wine. Place the apples in a small shallow baking dish and pour the rest of the wine in the dish. You want the liquid to cover the bottom of the dish and come up on the apples a bit. If you don't have enough liquid you can mix some water in. The rest of that wine is for drinking.

Place the apples in the oven for 45 minutes to an hour basting the tops of the apples every 15 minutes. The apples will start to brown on the top when done.

While the apples are baking away, you can make the caramel sauce. The recipe I use isn't an actual caramel sauce, it's more of a brown sugar sauce, but it's easy to make, tastes like caramel, and I can't think of a third thing. First, make sure you have brown sugar. I didn't. If you don't have brown sugar it is easy to make. First take 1 cup of sugar, and pour it into a mixing bowl. Then add 1 1/2 tbsp of molasses. Work them together with a fork until no more molasses chunks remain and the sugar is an even brown color. Freshest brown sugar you will ever have. If you don't have any molasses, go to the store and pick some up. While you're there, get some brown sugar. Oh, and do this before you bake the apples or you run the risk of starting a citywide fire.

Combine the remaining brown sugar, butter, and half and half in a small sauce pan over medium heat. heat and whisk or stir constantly for 5-7 minutes and you are done. Let the sauce cool to room temperature.

When the apples are done, take them out of the oven, dump the liquid in the apples, and put them into the fridge. It'll take a while for them to cool. Say about 1 and 1/2 hours. I waited several hours, so I'm making that time up. If you are making theses in a hurry I would say, "Really?" And you could put them in the freezer I guess, but don't let them freeze.

Once the apples and caramel sauce are cool, whip the heavy cream on high after adding a pinch of confectioners sugar. When you get firm peaks pour in about 4 tbsp of the caramel sauce and fold it in to the whipped cream. You do not need a lot of caramel to flavor the mousse. if you want it sweeter, add more caramel, if not, add less. If you work the cream too much it will deflate. You can have streaks of caramel in the mousse, it's OK.

Now put the mousse in a piping bag, or, if you don't have a piping bag like the majority of us who aren't pastry chefs, a zip top bag. Cut the corner of the zip top bag off and you have yourself a disposable pastry bag. Take that mother earth! Pipe the mouse into the apples, then heat up the rest of the sauce and pour over the apples for presentation.

You will have leftover mousse and sauce, but this is not the kind of problem to complain about. People will be impressed that you made caramel mousse, and you can respond with things like, "Yes, you are right to be impressed." and "That's right, what have you ever done with your life?" It just drives the point home a little more. Now if you will excuse me, I have to buy copious amounts of discount Valentine's Day candy.

Brie Lobster Mac and Cheese

I have made mention of the specialty foods available at Aldi, including the whole Maine lobster for $9.99. Well, right now they also have brie rounds available. Any time we see the lobster, I buy a few of them. They are the same type of lobsters you see advertised on the streets of Boston for $10 by the bars trying to get tourists in. In case you are wondering, those ads totally work on Megan and I. The Aldi lobsters are not going to provide you with endless meat, but they are more than worth the price, and are a cheap way to have a fine lobster dinner (they also have lobster tails available at Aldi for $12.99, but these are warm water lobsters-read not as good-UPDATE-they are now Maine lobster tails).

If you are self conscious about shelling a lobster in front of your date while you eat, then I would ask you what kind of person even makes a lobster dinner for the second date. I mean, seriously, tone it down a bit. Trying too hard is probably why you're still single. If you are otherwise uncomfortable shelling lobster while you eat this kind of recipe is your friend.

BRIE LOBSTER MAC AND CHEESE:

8 oz. brie rind removed and torn up into little pieces ($2.99)
4 oz. shredded cheddar cheese (I used Dubliner $2.99 for 7 oz.)
2 oz. Parmesan cheese ($2.29 for 8 oz.)
16 oz. elbow macaroni (32 oz for $1.69)
1 1/2 cups heavy cream ($1.89 for 16 oz.)
1 cup milk ($2.99 for 1 gallon)
3 tablespoons all purpose flour ($1.69 for 5 lbs.)
3 tablespoons unsalted butter ($1.99 for 16 oz.)
5 oz. lobster meat (this is an 18 oz. lobster for $9.99 it yields about 5 oz. of meat but amounts will vary)
Salt and pepper to taste
Bread crumbs (optional)

First, prepare the lobster. For the frozen whole lobster you can make it according to the package instructions. Boil a bunch of water in a pot big enough to fit the lobster. You will boil this puppy from frozen. By puppy I mean lobster, please do not make this dish with boiled puppy (it is the wrong consistency). It says to boil the lobster in salted water, but it is unnecessary to salt the water as the lobster is frozen in brine:

Just dump the lobster in the boiling water, mesh bag and all. return the water to boiling and boil 12-15 minutes. Remove the lobster from the boiling water. Get rid of the lobster water, it stinks. Now it's time to get all the meat out of the shell. Get 3 bowls. Put the cooked lobster in one, use one for the meat and the other for discarded shell. The majority of the meat will be in the claws and the tail. Your hands are the best tools, but a kitchen knife and a rolling pin are good to have as well. By the way, you should let the lobster cool before you shell it. If you are currently burned, then I suggest reading the entire recipe through before cooking anything. Really, instant gratification only works if you want to be instantly gratified, or burned by hot lobster juice. Maybe that's your thing. Everyone has a fetish. I'm not going into how to shell a lobster as I am too lazy to write it and didn't take enough pictures anyway. This guy from the CIA has a lovely video on how to do it. I assume his lobster was water boarded.

Once you have all the meat out make sure there is not leftover shell on the meat. Set the meat aside. Cook the macaroni according to the directions (6-8 minutes) drain and set aside. While cooking the pasta, simmer the cream/milk in a pot, but don't boil. In a pan, melt the butter and whisk in the flour over low heat. Congratulations, you have formed a roux. Don't get too cocky. Just add the hot cream/milk to the roux and whisk until smooth. Add the cheese and stir until smooth. Add salt and pepper to sauce. Combine cheese sauce, macaroni and lobster. Eat, or if you like, you can combine breadcrumbs with some grated cheese and pop the macaroni under a broiler. Keep a watch on it and brown, don't burn, the breadcrumbs.

Lobster mac and cheese is great, but the lobster itself does not reheat well. This may overcook the lobster, so it's best to eat all the lobster in the first sitting and any left over mac and cheese can go in the fridge. I have to go now because there is horrible lightning and thunder. In January.

Chocolate Eclair Cake

My aunt brings this every year to Thanksgiving dinner, and there is all but a fist fight to get the first, and last piece. One year, I killed my twin just for looking at the cake longingly. To this day we do not speak of him in my family, going so far as to claim I never had a twin and that I am making this story up. To those of you who claim that chocolate eclair cake is not worthy of grizzly siblicide using a pie server, it is obvious that you have never had this cake.

Another wonderful thing about this cake is that it is so easy to make. There is no baking, which is my kind of cake. My aunt gave me the recipe to this cake, and I decided to start making it with my favorite ingredient, heavy cream. The use of heavy cream makes the filling like pastry cream, and the ganache icing is actually much easier to make than normal icing. The recipe here is for a 8 1/2 inch square dish.

CHOCOLATE ECLAIR CAKE:

3 packets instant vanilla pudding ($0.49 each)
51.25 oz. heavy cream ($1.89 per 16 oz)
7.2 oz graham crackers ($1.49 per 14.4 oz. box)
3.5 oz dark chocolate ($1.89 per 4.5 oz)

Combine the instant pudding mix with 5 3/4 cups (47.75 oz) heavy cream. beat on low for a few minutes or until proper consistency is achieved. Set aside beater for licking (this is a very important step). This is more liquid than is suggested for a filing on the box, but when you beat the cream and pudding mix it will become firmer than if you use milk. When the pudding is ready, line the bottom of the dish with graham crackers. You may have to break some of them up for full coverage. Spread 1/3 of the pudding on the graham crackers. Alternate layers of pudding and graham crackers until you run out of pudding (your last layer should be pudding).

Place the cake in the fridge while you prepare the ganache. Break the chocolate up into small pieces and place in a mixing bowl (I used the dark chocolate bars, but you could use any chocolate you wanted, like chocolate chips). Heat the cream over medium heat until hot but not boiling. Pour the hot cream over the chocolate and whisk to combine. Let the ganache cool at room temperature for a bit and then just pout it on the cake and spread. If you let the ganache cool too much it will become more difficult to spread. Set aside ganache bowl for licking.

There you have it. You have now made a dish that will both satiate your family's sweet tooth and inspire them to commit great acts of violence against one another. It's a win/win.

Gorgonzola Grapes

Well, the holiday season is now over. There will be no more holidays the rest of the year. Except St. Patrick's Day. Any holiday that involves drinking at 8:00 a.m. is still on. Cinco De Mayo as well. Oh, and Halloween, I really like Halloween. And Flag Day.

Ah well, we have a respite from holiday nonsense until February anyway (unless you plan on celebrating Chinese New Year's, which we will, by doing absolutely nothing). I bet you were hoping I would post some wonderful and easy appetizer or nibbles of some sort that you could make for your or someone else's party. Well, I would have, but I was too busy getting ready for our NYE bash. Now that you have already made the food and either had or gone to your New Year's Eve party, here's a recipe for some party food that would have been perfect for that special night. Megan and had something like this at a Brazilian steak house and loved it, so I figured out how to make said dish. This recipe has Gorgonzola, but it could be made with blue cheese just as easily.

GORGONZOLA GRAPES:

4 oz. Gorgonzola cheese crumbled room temperature ($2.99 for 5 oz.)
7 oz. cream cheese room temperature ($0.89 for 8 oz.)
1/4 cup cream 1/2&1/2 or milk ($1.89 for 16 oz. heavy cream)
1 lbs. red grapes ($1.59)

Rinse the grapes and set aside. Combine the remaining ingredients in a mixing bowl and mix. Drop the grapes into the mix and get them good and covered. Plate or store for up to 3 days.

We couldn't stop eating these while we made them. When the people who didn't come to your NYE party ask about it, you can tell them you made these, and they were AMAZING. Since you're lying, you can also say some celebrity showed up to your party. Not an A lister, someone believable who hasn't done much in a while, like Bruce McCulloch. "Oh yeah, Bruce McCulloch was there, from "The Kids in the Hall." Yeah, he's Jeff's cousin. Apparently he does puppet theater now. Weird, huh?"

Toasted Marshmallow Milkshake

Notice: The consumption of raw or undercooked eggs may increase your risk of food borne illness such as salmonella. Now tell me that's not the best way to start off a recipe. Don't you want to make this and give it to children and enfeebled old people now? Yeah you do.

The reason I put the disclaimer in here is because this milkshake is best with frozen custard. I don't have any frozen custard. The best way to mimic frozen custard when all you have is ice cream: add an egg. This is true for milkshakes, do not have a bowl of ice cream with a raw egg on it and expect it to taste like custard. My brothers and I have put a raw egg in our milkshakes since we were kids. None of us have died from salmonella poisoning, but one of us is a network administrator. So that might be a concern.

If you have frozen vanilla custard for this recipe, go for it, otherwise you can use an egg, even though it might kill you.

TOASTED MARSHMALLOW MILKSHAKE:
9 large marshmallows ($0.99 per bag)
1 1/4 cups of vanilla ice cream ($2.69 per 56 oz.)
1 egg (optional $1.59 per 12)
1/4 cup of half and half ($1.79 per 32 oz.)
1/4 cup of heavy cream ($1.89 per 16 oz.)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract ($1.99 per 2 oz.)

The first thing you have to do is toast the marshmallows. If you have an electric oven you can turn on the broiler and place them on a cookie sheet on the highest rack for a minute or two. Watch them, they go from toasted to burnt in just a few seconds. If you have a gas range, you can skewer the marshmallows and toast them over the open flame. Again, be careful as marshmallows are very flammable.

Once your marshmallows are nicely toasted, add all the ingredients to the blender saving two marshmallows for garnish. If you like a thicker milkshake, more ice cream. If you like a thinner milkshake, more half and half. You may ask, "Why half and half and cream instead of milk?" Try it, and you will know the answer. It makes a much richer milkshake. It is not what we call healthy, but if you are making a toasted marshmallow milkshake, I assume it isn't to drink while you're on the treadmill. Throwing some heavy cream, or half and half, or both into to a milkshake is great, unless you are drinking these things every day. If you do drink these things every day, then my guess is that you only check internet recipes between heart attacks and foot amputations. Either way, enjoy.