Sweet and Spicy Potato Chip Nachos

You know who doesn't have enough nacho dishes? The Amish. They are constantly asking me to post nacho recipes on the blog. They are also constantly asking me what a blog is. And by constantly, I mean that I may have never met an Amish person. Lot's of Mennonites, though.

Enough about the cultural bankruptcy that is the Amish lifestyle, we're hear to discuss nachos. Crispy chips, melted cheese, and often an assortment of meats and peppers and creams and beans and other meats piled so high that the bottom of the nacho dish begins to liquify from intense heat and pressure, ensuring that the chips are no longer crispy. At least that is what I assume happens.

The other week I was at a restaurant that had a potato chip nacho plate with blue cheese. It. Was. Awesome. Their dish used truffle oil on the chips, which is wonderful, but something I do not have. I tweaked the dish until I made something that made me start eating it, suddenly look down to find there was no more, and become very sad.

SWEET AND SPICY POTATO CHIP NACHOS:

2 Lbs. Russet potatoes sliced 1/4 inch thick (10 Lbs. for $1.99)
3 Tbsp. Extra virgin olive oil (17 oz. for $3.29)
1 Tbsp. Red pepper flake (3.75 oz. for $0.99)
1 Tbsp. Paprika (3.75 oz. for $0.99)
1 tsp. Hot sauce (17 oz. for $0.99)
Sea Salt ($1.49 per grinder)
Pepper ($1.49 per grinder)
Brown sugar (32 oz. for $1.49)
Blue cheese (5 oz. for $2.99)

Set oven to 400 degrees. Clean or peel the potatoes as is your preference. Slice them into 1/4 inch slices. If you do not have a mandolin, this will be a pain in the ass.

Once sliced, put them in a bowl of water with enough water to cover them. Combine the oil, pepper flake, paprika, and hot sauce in a bowl where you can fit all the potato slices. Salt and pepper to taste. Take the potatoes out of the water and pat them dry then throw them into the bowl and coat them well.

Place the slices on baking sheets and put them into the oven rotating the top sheet to the bottom after about 15 minutes. It should take 30-40 minutes for the chips to finish, but watch them. If your chips are not all uniform some will be done quicker than others. If you see a chip that's done (browned around the edges) remove it with tongs and set them on a rack to dry.

Dry the chips about 5 minutes. Add salt and brown sugar to taste. Now build the nachos by setting down a layer of chips and topping it with a layer of sprinkled blue cheese. keep going until you have enough. Turn on the broiler of your oven and put the nachos right beneath it. Remove when the cheese is melty and delicious looking. If you oven doesn't have a broiler just put the nachos in the still hot oven and watch to make sure the chips don't start burning.

I was very pleased with this concoction. It's like WASP nachos. Serve these at the country club and they may consider you for membership. Maybe. Probably not.

Cheese and Broccoli Quiche

Sorry for the long pause between posts. There was an anniversary, and a birthday, and a 1/2 marathon (I did not run it, I am allergic to self-betterment), and a sewing party, and house guests, there was also this t.v. show I like, not to mention how much stuff there is on the internet. Anyway, I'm back now.

From my childhood I remember a book called, "Real Men Don't Cook Quiche" and since I never actually read the book (it was a cookbook at a time before I cooked), I think I should let Jasper's review fill in my gaps of knowledge about the content:

"May I be to say this is one my faavorite books. it contains many joke and funny. please be to preparing me a new weapon, fashioned of ageless bronze. who maxed out my f-ing mastercard? dot.com."

Powerful words. 

 Despite the fact that I am a real man (not one of those fake men you see advertised all over the internet), I do cook quiche. It's egg pie. Why wouldn't I cook this stuff?

I use frozen pie crusts. Not because I can't make pie crusts. Not because you shouldn't make pie crusts, but because I am lazy. Are homemade better, well, it depends on the recipe. If you can make a pie crust, and you enjoy doing so, do it. Otherwise, use a frozen one you like.

The nice thing about quiches is that you can put whatever you want in them . . . as long as you want eggs. Aside from the eggs, though, you can get as creative as you like. You can make them vegetarian, or even vegan (as long as you don't tell vegan people what's in it, it's vegan). Bacon, sausage, spinach, blue cheese, asparagus, etc. are all fine ingredients for the quiche of your choice. All except asparagus. That vegetable should be eradicated from the planet.

CHEESE AND BROCCOLI QUICHE:

1 frozen pie crust thawed ($1.89 for 2)

2 slices muenster cheese ($1.99 for 8 oz.)

1 1/4 cup half and half (Why is there no more cream? Why!)

1 cup thawed frozen broccoli florets ($1.09 for 12 oz.)

1 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese ($1.79 for 8 oz.)

6 eggs ($1.19 for 12)

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

First, preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Layer the muenster along the bottom of the thawed pie crust.

Next, layer in the broccoli florets.

Add the remaining ingredients to a bowel and mix. Pour the mixture into the pie crust. Bake for 35 to 45 minutes or until a knife inserted into the quiche comes out clean.

That's it. Let the quiche cool a bit and eat it. Eat the hell out of it.

Gorgonzola Grapes

Well, the holiday season is now over. There will be no more holidays the rest of the year. Except St. Patrick's Day. Any holiday that involves drinking at 8:00 a.m. is still on. Cinco De Mayo as well. Oh, and Halloween, I really like Halloween. And Flag Day.

Ah well, we have a respite from holiday nonsense until February anyway (unless you plan on celebrating Chinese New Year's, which we will, by doing absolutely nothing). I bet you were hoping I would post some wonderful and easy appetizer or nibbles of some sort that you could make for your or someone else's party. Well, I would have, but I was too busy getting ready for our NYE bash. Now that you have already made the food and either had or gone to your New Year's Eve party, here's a recipe for some party food that would have been perfect for that special night. Megan and had something like this at a Brazilian steak house and loved it, so I figured out how to make said dish. This recipe has Gorgonzola, but it could be made with blue cheese just as easily.

GORGONZOLA GRAPES:

4 oz. Gorgonzola cheese crumbled room temperature ($2.99 for 5 oz.)
7 oz. cream cheese room temperature ($0.89 for 8 oz.)
1/4 cup cream 1/2&1/2 or milk ($1.89 for 16 oz. heavy cream)
1 lbs. red grapes ($1.59)

Rinse the grapes and set aside. Combine the remaining ingredients in a mixing bowl and mix. Drop the grapes into the mix and get them good and covered. Plate or store for up to 3 days.

We couldn't stop eating these while we made them. When the people who didn't come to your NYE party ask about it, you can tell them you made these, and they were AMAZING. Since you're lying, you can also say some celebrity showed up to your party. Not an A lister, someone believable who hasn't done much in a while, like Bruce McCulloch. "Oh yeah, Bruce McCulloch was there, from "The Kids in the Hall." Yeah, he's Jeff's cousin. Apparently he does puppet theater now. Weird, huh?"