Lobster Rolls

Remember how I said I was going to post more, then disappeared off the face of the Earth. Remember that? That was fun.

Seeing as my last post was in the summer and all about shellfish, and it is now the dead of winter, this post is all about shellfish. For those of you who have not lived in the Northeast section of the U.S., they have this awesome thing called a lobster roll. It doesn't make up for the horribleness of winter, but it comes close.

Lobster rolls are basically tuna salad sandwiches, but instead of tuna you use lobster. I KNOW RIGHT?! They are extremely prevalent in Maine, where the residents begin lobster fishing at age fetus. Even the McDonald's up there have lobster rolls. How strange is that?

"What are you eating?"

"Lobster."

"Where did you get it?"

"McDonald's . . . ewwww*"

*The ewwww is for when the other person's head exploded from hearing that you can get lobster at a damn McDonald's.

LOBSTER ROLLS:

2 frozen Maine lobster tails ($12.99) or frozen whole lobster ($9.99)
3 Tbsp mayonnaise ($1.99 for 30 oz.)
1 stalk celery ($0.79 for bunch)
2 Tbsp butter ($2.29 for 16 oz.)
2 hoagies ($1.79 for 6) or hot dog buns ($0.79 for 8)
2 leaves romaine lettuce rinsed and dried ($1.99 for 3 hearts)
Salt and pepper to taste

First, cook up the lobster however it says on the package. Here is how to cook the whole lobster from an old post:

Boil enough water to cover the lobster. Just dump the lobster in the boiling water, mesh bag and all. return the water to boiling and boil 12-15 minutes. Remove the lobster from the boiling water. Get rid of the lobster water, it stinks. Now it's time to get all the meat out of the shell. Get 3 bowls. Put the cooked lobster in one, use one for the meat and the other for discarded shell. The majority of the meat will be in the claws and the tail. Your hands are the best tools, but a kitchen knife and a rolling pin are good to have as well. By the way, you should let the lobster cool before you shell it. If you are currently burned, then I suggest reading the entire recipe through before cooking anything. Really, instant gratification only works if you want to be instantly gratified, or burned by hot lobster juice.

Once you have all the meat out of the lobster shell, chop it and the single celery stalk up.

Do not dice the lobster, you want big lobster pieces. add the mayo, lobster and celery to a bowl and mix it up. Add salt and pepper to taste.

 Meanwhile, melt the butter and spread it on the open hoagies or hotdog buns. then, toast them butter side down on medium in a frying pan or in the oven under the broiler. If you use the broiler keep an eye on them as they will burn and cause firemen to come to your home. Not sexy firemen either, the kind who are pissed off you don't know how to use your broiler.

Line the now toasted (but not burnt) bread with the lettuce and shovel in the lobster mix. Now, shovel all this into your face.

If you want to change up the recipe a bit, add some hot sauce, or Dijon mustard, or an old tire (do not add that last one).

Amazeballs Roasted Shrimp

So, the habit of one post a month seems to be hard to break. There's work, and all the other things that are not work that I have to deal with, like watching Game of Thrones. We also went on a Caribbean cruise. Neither Megan nor I are very well suited to the Caribbean climate, as we are both pasty to the point of being Morlocks. Luckily, we were on the largest cruise ship in the world, and there was plenty of shade and air conditioning to be had. There was also plenty of seafood. Lobster, scallops, and shrimp all made an appearance. Several appearances, actually. We would regularly sneak in to the concierge club for free champagne and food, including some amazeballs shrimp. I'm not sure what the recipe was, but these are amazeballs as well.

AMAZEBALLS ROASTED SHRIMP:

1 package frozen shrimp ($4.99 for 16 oz.)
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste
2 tbsp olive oil ($3.49 for 17 oz.)

Thaw your shrimp and preheat your oven to 400 degrees. Peel the shrimp. Place the shrimp on a baking sheet and drizzle the oil over them, then salt and pepper them.

Put the shrimp in the oven for about 9 minutes or until pink and just cooked through. Now take them out of the oven (this is an extremely important step). You are done.

You can make a sauce if you like. The one I made was just ketchup and some horseradish sauce I found. These are great with or without sauce. I used the medium shrimp, but the jumbo would work just as well. This also may be the easiest recipe I've yet posted. You're welcome, lazy people. Eat these and pretend you're on a Caribbean cruise. Have someone bring you free champagne. That helps.