Pumpkin Ciabatta French Toast With Honey Butter

Look at this! It's the beginning of fall, and I'm posting a relevant recipe. I'm pretty sure this is considered a sign of the apocalypse. End of days or not (chances are not, but the people who have predicted it have been wrong every time, so the law of averages* says that they must be right next time), it is always a good idea to have good French toast ready.

While grocery shopping the other day, I noticed my Aldi had moved everything around in an effort to give itself a makeover. This annoyed me. I like the fact that I know where everything is in the store. I realize that a revamp of the store can mean more money for the store as people who have established patterns of shopping will be forced to pass by items they normally do not, and may pick up those items, but I am constantly on the look out for new and interesting buys at Aldi anyway. Despite the fact that this is not the normal behavior of the average shopper, I still believe that the Aldi I shop at should be run according to my whims, and not what makes long term fiscal sense.

That being said, while searching for the bread in this new and unforgiving alien layout, I came across something new Aldi is offering.

 I don't know if all Aldis are doing this, but mine is. So there. I had already planned to do the French toast post, as they have brought back the Friendly Farms Pumpkin Spice coffee creamer, but now I could use exciting bread. There were many selections including some lovely French baguette, and since I was making French toast, the choice was obvious.

Yeah, so I picked the Italian bread. Stop judging me. If you read the title of the post you would know this already.

PUMPKIN CIABATTA FRENCH TOAST

1 Egg ($1.29 for 12)
4 Slices ciabatta bread ($1.89 per loaf)
1/8 Cup half and half ($1.59 for 32 oz.)
3/8 Cup pumpkin spice coffee creamer ($1.49 for 16 oz.)
1 tsp. Vanilla extract($1.99 for 2 oz.)
1 Tbsp. Butter ($2.29 for 1 lbs.)

 Prepare your custard first. Crack the egg, add the creamer and half and half, and then add the vanilla. Whisk until combined. Now cut the bread. You want between 1/4 inch and 1/2 inch pieces, thicker than that and you may have burnt outsides and uncooked insides. Soak the bread one side at a time in the custard, a few minutes each side. You can add seasoning to your custard if you like. Cinnamon, nutmeg, pumpkin pie spice, ricin, whatever. I added cinnamon, but you really shouldn't add ricin. I'm pretty sure Aldi doesn't even carry it.

Heat up a small pan on medium heat. Add 1/2 the butter. When the butter bubbles and is nutty smelling, add the bread. Brown each side of the toast. Repeat.

HONEY BUTTER
1 Tbsp. Honey ($2.99 for 12 oz.)
3 Tbsp. Butter room temperature ($2.29 for 1 lbs.)

Take the softened butter and put it into a small bowl. Add honey. Mix. Done. Although you can put it in the fridge if you would like to solidify it again.

Serve with powdered sugar, syrup, just with the honey butter, or with ricin. Really though, don't serve it with ricin. I just watched the season finale of Breaking Bad and all I can think of is ricin made the same way I make cinnamon toast. Seriously, do not Walter White your French toast.

*The "Law of Averages" is made up nonsense that people who have never taken a statistics class use to explain how they want reality to be, not how it is.

Browned Spanish Tortilla

I call this recipe "Browned Spanish Tortilla" because I am racist. Well, not really. As in I'm not really a racist, not that this isn't the real reason for the name of the recipe, although that is true as well. I suppose if you define race as: a breed or strain, as of domestic animals, then I am a total racist. I do not believe that cats and dogs should intermarry or attempt to procreate with each other. Neither did Bill Murray's character from Ghostbusters. Apparently Dr. Venkman was pretty outspoken about it.

I call this recipe "Browned Spanish Tortilla" because I am a racist (within the lines of inter species domesticated animal relations) and because many tortilla española recipes do not have you brown the onions or potatoes prior to mixing them with the eggs. I'm not really sure why this is. Browned potatoes and onions taste awesome. Most recipes have you use a couple of cups of olive oil and fry them, but still not brown them. If anything I'd say that the other recipes are racist. Not that browned potatoes and onions represent people of any sort. Well, maybe Hungarians.

BROWNED SPANISH TORTILLA:

2 baking potatoes ($2.69 for 5 lbs.)
1 sweet or Vidalia onion ($1.49 for 3 lbs.)
8 eggs ($1.19 for 12)
6 tablespoons olive oil ($3.49 for 17 oz.)
2 tablespoons water
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste

First off, peel your potatoes. That is not a euphemism, actually take the potatoes and peel them. Break out your cutting board. What you want are thin slices of potatoes. They can be round slices if you like, or you can quarter the potato and cut the slices with the flat side down on the cutting board. It really doesn't matter what shape they're in, just cut them about 1/8 of an inch thick. If they're a little thicker or a little uneven don't worry. If you have a mandolin use that, oh, and I hate you. Now, cut your onion into thin slices as well.  Heat 3 tablespoons of olive oil on medium high in a pan big enough to fit everything into. When the oil starts to smoke, turn it down to medium and throw in the onions and a little salt.

When the onions start to brown, throw in your potatoes and a pinch of salt and some pepper. Now you want to brown everything, but you don't want everything to be brown. In other words, a little browning is sufficient, we don't want deep brown everywhere. These ingredients are coming out of the pan and then back in later. Also, keep a watch as your potato slices are going to want to stick together. While the potatoes are browning, mix the eggs, water, and another pinch of salt in a bowl until all scrambled and frothy.

When the potatoes and onions are done, take them out of the pan and set them aside to cool for a few minutes. Use the time to reflect on the fact that Google Glasses can't possibly provide you the experience shown in their video unless they directly communicate with your optic nerve. Once the potatoes and onions have cooled down, stir them into the eggs. Clean your pan, and heat up 2 tablespoons of the oil on medium high heat. Once smoking, pour in the potato, egg, onion mixture using a spatula to try to even out all the potatoes and onions. Reduce the heat to medium low. You should also use the spatula to lift up the sides of the tortilla and let raw egg run down underneath. Once the top no longer looks like it's runny, get a plate that is bigger than your frying pan.

Put the plate on top of the pan place your hand palm down against the middle of the plate. With your other hand, grab the handle of the frying pan and lift it up. Flip the whole thing over so the tortilla drops straight onto the plate. Put the pan back down on the burner and heat up the last tablespoon of olive oil on medium heat. Carefully slide the tortilla back into the pan so that the unbrowned side can cook.

A few minutes and the tortilla will be ready to eat. This Spanish dish is typically served cold with some baguette, but we couldn't wait that long because it was dinner time. Truthfully I prefer eating the tortilla hot. You can cut it into wedges like a big egg pizza, or into squares if you want it to last for more than 8 servings. We paired it with a lovely cava and some Big Bang Theory. We finished off the bottle and the tortilla. The sweet onion really makes a wonderful difference in the taste of this tortilla. I would love to tell you how the tortilla was different when it is eaten cold, but we ate the whole thing. Megan told me this was her favorite thing I had ever made. She may have been drunk, but I really enjoyed it as well and was not drunk. So there.

Cheese and Broccoli Quiche

Sorry for the long pause between posts. There was an anniversary, and a birthday, and a 1/2 marathon (I did not run it, I am allergic to self-betterment), and a sewing party, and house guests, there was also this t.v. show I like, not to mention how much stuff there is on the internet. Anyway, I'm back now.

From my childhood I remember a book called, "Real Men Don't Cook Quiche" and since I never actually read the book (it was a cookbook at a time before I cooked), I think I should let Jasper's review fill in my gaps of knowledge about the content:

"May I be to say this is one my faavorite books. it contains many joke and funny. please be to preparing me a new weapon, fashioned of ageless bronze. who maxed out my f-ing mastercard? dot.com."

Powerful words. 

 Despite the fact that I am a real man (not one of those fake men you see advertised all over the internet), I do cook quiche. It's egg pie. Why wouldn't I cook this stuff?

I use frozen pie crusts. Not because I can't make pie crusts. Not because you shouldn't make pie crusts, but because I am lazy. Are homemade better, well, it depends on the recipe. If you can make a pie crust, and you enjoy doing so, do it. Otherwise, use a frozen one you like.

The nice thing about quiches is that you can put whatever you want in them . . . as long as you want eggs. Aside from the eggs, though, you can get as creative as you like. You can make them vegetarian, or even vegan (as long as you don't tell vegan people what's in it, it's vegan). Bacon, sausage, spinach, blue cheese, asparagus, etc. are all fine ingredients for the quiche of your choice. All except asparagus. That vegetable should be eradicated from the planet.

CHEESE AND BROCCOLI QUICHE:

1 frozen pie crust thawed ($1.89 for 2)

2 slices muenster cheese ($1.99 for 8 oz.)

1 1/4 cup half and half (Why is there no more cream? Why!)

1 cup thawed frozen broccoli florets ($1.09 for 12 oz.)

1 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese ($1.79 for 8 oz.)

6 eggs ($1.19 for 12)

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

First, preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Layer the muenster along the bottom of the thawed pie crust.

Next, layer in the broccoli florets.

Add the remaining ingredients to a bowel and mix. Pour the mixture into the pie crust. Bake for 35 to 45 minutes or until a knife inserted into the quiche comes out clean.

That's it. Let the quiche cool a bit and eat it. Eat the hell out of it.